Hating Freedom

[February 22, 2010]
Kyle and I broke up last Wednesday. I had been thinking about it for awhile. I mean, it had to happen eventually. Why drag it out? I wanted to be able to be friends on good terms before he leaves. That wouldn't have happened if we waited 'til the very end. See, he's going into the air force after graduation. Thor just left to go to Afghanistan. I've long gotten over my depression and denial. I could wish and wish until my head popped off, but he's still going. But that doesn't mean I have to like it. And I don't. But there's nothing to be done. But back to Kyle. I love him, I really do. But I couldn't keep hurting myself. Knowing that in a few months he will just be gone, hurts. I think it's best we're just friends until then. I miss him, sure. But I know that what I did was for the best. Even if he doesn't think so. It was what was best for me. And I'm sorry if that makes me selfish. I'll take that burden. I really hope Thor makes it back. He's a fighter. I believe he will. I love that guy. He's an arrogant asshole, but I love him. He's my non-blood brother. He's writing a book. I can't wait to read it. It should be interesting. He's actually a pretty amazing writer. And musician. He's determined he will be famous for one of those someday. Knowing him, he probably will. He's full of surprises. I don't enjoy being apart from Kyle. It's hard, but I know we'll both be okay. We'll both find someone else soon enough. And I'll see Thor again someday. I know I will. He's not that easy to get rid of. There are times when I feel like all of this is going to be the end of me. But at the end of the day I realise it's not all that bad. Break-ups are hard. They always are. But looking back, I know I'll survive. And looking ahead, I know it will happen again. As for Thor, even if he doesn't make it, I know that he was happy because he finally got out of this crappy little town and did something he wanted to do.

This is strange... When did I become so thoughtful?